The Most Popular Girl In The Village
by PrussianAwesomeness
Summary: Deanon from the Kink Meme; Gilbert and Elizaveta discuss what Gilbert would be like as the opposite gender.


"Does this make me look fat?" Elizaveta asks, posing in the mirror anxiously. It is four in the afternoon and Elizaveta is freaking out. Her date with Roderich is soon and she _still_ didn't have anything to wear.

"Yes. You look obese," Gilbert drawls, sprawled out on her bed. Elizaveta glares at him and wonders why, for the umpteenth time, he is her best friend.

"You're an asshole," Elizaveta snarls, grabbing a blouse from the ground and throwing it at Gilbert's head. Gilbert reaches into the air and grabs the garment, smirking at Elizaveta triumphantly.

"Thanks babe, I appreciate that," Gilbert shoots back, whipping the blouse back at Elizaveta. It hits Elizaveta square in the face and she blushes furiously as Gilbert laughs.

"Shut up," she growls, tossing the blouse back down to the ground and venturing back into her closet to find something else to wear.

"That's mean," Gilbert says, taking mock offense. "I didn't come here to insulted."

"No," Elizaveta agrees, coming out of the dark abyss with a yellow summer dress, "you came here to be a fashion consultant."

"Babe, I'm _gay_ – not Feliks. Just 'cause I like dicks doesn't mean I like fashion," Gilbert shoots back. Elizaveta rolls her eyes and holds the dress up to her body.

"Does this look good?" she asks, posing in front of the mirror.

"No – it'll make you look frumpy. Plus floral is so last year," Gilbert replies lazily. Elizaveta gives him a look. "What? I never said I didn't know anything about fashion, just that I don't like it," he defends.

"Right," Elizaveta says sarcastically, tossing the dress onto the ground. "Maybe I should've called Elise or Angelique over," she mutters under her breath.

"Why them? Just because they're girls?" Gilbert asks.

"Yes. And they'd be able to help me find something to wear better than _you_ can," Elizaveta shoots back.

"Rude," Gilbert says. Elizaveta ignores him and goes back into her closet to find something else. Maybe she _should've_ gone shopping with the girls all those times she stayed back to watch sports with Gilbert on TV. At least that way she'd have something to wear.

"This is hopeless," Elizaveta mutters under her breath and is half-tempted to call Roderich up and tell him that she won't be coming to their date after all due to a...wardrobe malfunction. Or well, lack of a wardrobe, anyways.

"I'd make an awesome girl," Gilbert says suddenly from her room and Elizaveta rolls her eyes.

"Would you?" she asks, spotting something that looks like her old semi formal dress from two years ago lurking underneath an old suitcase. She gingerly balances herself on random boxes and reaches down to pull the dress out.

"Guys would love me. I'd be so sexy. I'd have big tits and the best vagina you would ever see," Gilbert replies and Elizaveta giggles. The image of Gilbert with breasts has made Elizaveta's day, she decides, and makes a mental note to ask Kiku to draw that for her so she can use it against Gilbert whenever he tries to annoy her about their childhood [how is it _her_ fault that she thought she would grow a penis? No one ever taught her else wise!].

"The best vagina, eh?" she says absently, tugging on the dress. The dress seems to be stuck to something. Elizaveta prays it isn't something gross like gum.

"My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village," Gilbert says confidently and Elizaveta bursts out laughing. The dress finally comes free from whatever it was stuck to.

"Aha!" she exclaims to herself, getting out of the closet to go to the mirror. "And Gil, we live in New York City. What village?" she asks, holding the dress up to her. It's a lot smaller than it used to be, probably thanks to her growth spurt, but it looks sexy yet classy at the same time. If that didn't make Roderich all hot and flustered, then maybe Gilbert was right and Roderich was asexual. Elizaveta was hoping for the former.

"The world is a village," Gilbert waves off absently.

"So you're saying that you would be the most popular girl in the world because of your vagina? Wouldn't that mean you're a slut?" Elizaveta asks, deciding she is going to wear this dress. She starts to unbutton her jeans.

"Argh don't change in front of me, Lizzy – I'm _gay_, I don't want to see your girly junk!" Gilbert cries out, burying his face into her pillow melodramatically. Elizaveta rolls her eyes.

"I've seen you naked loads of times. You can take me being semi-naked once," she tells him and pulls her jeans off.

"Whatever. And I wouldn't be a slut either," Gilbert replies, his voice muffled from the pillow.

"Oh really?" Elizaveta asks, pulling her shirt off and tossing it into her hamper along with the jeans. She begins to pull the dress on.

"Yes really. I'd be the classiest, sexiest chick you'd ever meet," Gilbert replies, looking up as he hears Elizaveta pull the zipper of the dress up.

"And you'd have a popular vagina," Elizaveta adds. "Help me with this?" she asks, motioning to the zipper. Gilbert rolls his eyes but complies, sliding off of the bed to pull up the zipper.

"Obviously I'd have a popular vagina. Who would be able to resist my sexy charm?" Gilbert asks.

"Gay guys?" Elizaveta asks.

"I'd turn them straight," Gilbert says confidently. He pauses. "Or at least, bi," he decides.

"Of course," Elizaveta says. "And I'd turn all the lesbians bi if I were a dude," she says jokingly.

"Nah, you'd be gay as a guy so you wouldn't even care," Gilbert says. He laughs. "You'd turn into your own fetish."

"It's not a fetish!" Elizaveta fumes, blushing furiously. "I just really like-"

"It's a fetish," Gilbert says in a finite voice. "But hey, maybe as a guy you'd have a thing for girl on girl instead," he says thoughtfully.

"Would that mean you would be a lesbian and I'd force you to take pictures of you making out with your girlfriends for me?" Elizaveta asks. Gilbert makes a face.

"Hell no – I like guys way too much to ever go for chicks, being a girl or not," Gilbert replies and Elizaveta giggles.

"Makes sense," she agrees, looking around for her shoes.

"They're under your bed," Gilbert tells her and sure enough, there they are. Her only pair of high heels.

"Thanks," Elizaveta says, putting them on quickly.

"Aren't you going to brush your hair? Get earrings? You don't want Roderich to think you just came back from having crazy sex with another guy!" Gilbert exclaims. Elizaveta glares at him as she walks towards her dressing table.

"Why would he think that?" she asks.

"You have some crazy sex hair going on," Gilbert says matter-of-factly and expertly dodges the bottle of moisturizer thrown at his head.

"Shut up," Elizaveta says, tugging her hair brush through her long hair, making another mental note to get a haircut so she wouldn't have to deal with wasting so much time untangling her hair. She grabs a pair of earrings and puts them on, checking the mirror for the umpteenth time to make sure she looks okay.

"You look fine, calm your metaphorical balls," Gilbert says. Elizaveta shoots him a glare, storming out of her room to get the purse she left in the living room. Gilbert follows her.

"You don't know how important this date is to me. I really want Roderich to like me," Elizaveta says.

"And if he's smart, he will for who you are. So chill, alright? Even I'd go straight for you," Gilbert says. Elizaveta smiles slightly, grabbing her purse. As annoying as Gilbert is, sometimes he can be sweet. "Or your friend Katyusha. She has nice tits, even I'll admit that," Gilbert adds and Elizaveta takes back her former thought.

"You're an idiot," she says, hugging him quickly regardless. "And don't mess up my house," she warns, as she walks to the door.

"Will do~!" Gilbert promises cheekily. "Don't kill me if I end up having a group orgy with a bunch of hot guys here," he adds.

"I'll only kill you if you don't take pictures," Elizaveta replies over her shoulder as she closes the door. She feels a lot more confident now, as she walks to her car to get to the restaurant.

And at least now she has a conversation starter in mind.

"I wonder what Roderich would be like as a woman," Elizaveta murmurs to herself, smirking slightly.

The End.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The original request was for Gilbert having a conversation with a fem!nation and for him to use _My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village _somewhere in the story. **

**Ahaha personally I think I'd be a mix of Romano and Prussia as a dude with a hint of America and France. What about you? What would you be like as the opposite gender? **

**Review?**


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